Mr Anderson, who?
by hakon2feb
Summary: What would happen if Hellsing Ultimate clashed with Matrix? I'm not sure, but my idea is something like this. Hope it's worth a few laughs when several of the characters mix universes. If someone asks, there is no pairings, implied or stated in this story.


**A/N:**

Hi. Ok, so I know this is horribly stupid, since I have exams very very soon, but I started watching Hellsing Ultimate (Which is awesome), and one day while sitting on the 'throne' I had this great idea for a new story. It's mostly going to be a humour/Parody on what would happen if the Matrix and Hellsing universe clashed before/during the events of cannon happened.

Enjoy the ride, and I hope you guys/galls/helicopter/undecided will enjoy. Know that this is in no way serious, characters might not act according to canon, and don't be afraid to admit to the crackiness of it all.

 **Disclaimer:**

The manga Hellsing is made by Kouta Hirano, while the Hellsing Ultimate OVA is produced by Geneon. Matrix is made by the Wachowski brothers and distributed by Warner Bros.(That's a lot of brothers in big companies…) If only I could claim to own something as awesome as Hellsing Ultimate then I guess I would be as happy as Seras Victoria when she got the first Harkonnen :)

 **Chapter 1 (Possibly the only one).**

It was a sunny day in God's kingdom, and in Rome in particular. The sun was high in the sky with a small amount of light fluffy clouds, enough to cast cool shade over the busy city. Our story starts at an orphanage close to one of the parks in the near proximity of Vatican City. Happy children were frolicking in the grass, enjoying the pleasant temperature of the pleasantly warm late-April day.

Father Alexander Anderson took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of plants in fresh bloom and the scent of some of the threes in the park. When he wasn't hunting vampires, and Alucard in particular, he was sure that this was as close to heaven he would come on this green earth. Seeing the children happy gave him another purpose when he wasn't taking part in the more bloody duties of the Iscariot branch of the Vatican.

He was a rather tall man of just about 7 feet with wide shoulders and a muscular frame. He was lightly tanned from enjoying the sun in northern Italy, also having short spikey blond hair. His eyes were an emerald green, covered by round clear glasses and on his left cheek was a wedge-shaped scar extending from his cheekbone to his lower jaw. He wears a large white open cassock with blue trim and interior, black boots, pants and shirt, as well as having a silver cross around his neck. The silver cross hung in such a way that it caught the light from the sun, making it appear as if made of gold.

"O love the LORD, all you His godly ones! The LORD preserves the faithful And fully recompenses the proud doer. Amen.(Psalm 31:23)"

Father Anderson was his calm and caring persona, the one the children looked up to(Both figuratively and physically), and the face he showed in public. Once darkness fell, and blessed bayonets were drawn, Saint Guillotine, Judas Priest, Executioner Anderson took his place. The man who loved to maim and kill all unholy in the name of heaven. He would fulfil his duties with a large smile on his face, as each nocturnal menace that fell to his blades was one less that could wreak havoc on this orphanage that was his paradise on earth.

The disturbance of gravel in the distance signalled the unexpected arrival of a car. Turning around, making his round glasses catch the light so his eyes were obscured, Father Anderson saw a strange sight. In the driveway of the orphanage was what appeared to be a black Lincoln sedan, with a man in a black suit stepping out. The man, Anderson noted, wore a black suit with a dark red tie and white shirt. Covering his eyes were black sunglasses, and combined with his side-parted hair made him look quite stern. Spotting him, the man leisurely approached Father Anderson, apparently taking in the scenery and giving a small smile as if accepting the beauty that he saw.

Stopping two meters away, the man still had to crane his neck to look the taller priest in the eyes, appearing slightly surprised by what he saw before hiding it behind a blank face. Since he had come all this way, Father Anderson allowed him to start up a conversation, content with taking in his personal Eden.

"Mr. Anderson," the man confirmed, "did you get my package?"

Father Anderson regarded him casually, unsure what he meant. His regular order of blessed bayonets had arrived last week, but was hardly something anyone needed to check up on him about. They would certainly hear it if they missed a shipment.

"No." Anderson replied, slightly put out that the man had called him mister instead of his title of Father.

"Good," the man continued, clearly having this conversation scripted out, "then you are awar… Wait, no?" Agent Smith, who was actually no longer an agent, asked in shock, clearly not having expected the conversation to go this direction.

"Yes, no." Father Anderson explained unhelpfully, "and you didn't even bother introducing yourself. Have you strayed so far from the faith of our Holy Lord that common decency is lost to you?" Perhaps a bit harsher than normal, but this man in black suit had come here and disturbed his peace for seemingly no reason at all.

"Sorry, sorry," Agent, mister Smith amended quickly, not wanting to anger this mountain of a man, "My name is Agent Smiht, well… Former agent, actually. I was looking for a Mr. Thomas A. Anderson. I have a message for him."

Father Anderson rubbed his chin in thought. Anderson wasn't that uncommon a name, but he didn't know many men named Thomas this side of the ocean, and fewer still across it, seeing as he was mostly dispatched in Europe. Still, he had some contacts around… For all he knew, this former agent Smith could be talking about his estranged brother.

"This wouldn't be a short man with black hair, working for some computer company or another overseas, would it?" He knew his brother was nothing but trouble, his day job not being enough to pay the bills, so he had to work as a hacker at night. It was his choice in nightly activities that had made him an outcast of the family in the first place. Dad always said he wouldn't amount to much, while mom did her best in trying to unite the family for Christmas. With Thomas being as close to godless as you could get without being a bloodsucker, it made those evenings particularly awkward, and Alexander was tempted to not write him a Christmas card this year if he hadn't changed his ways.

Former agent Smith gave a relieved smile, finally figuring out that he had made a simple mistake. Such was easy, seeing as he no longer had the resources of an agent at his disposal. "The description matches my notes. Since you appear to know him, do you want me to pass along a message when I see him?"

Father Anderson gave a moment to think about it. He still retained a small hope that his estranged brother would one day see the light. Perhaps a word from God would help lead him back on the right path. "Tell him: "The LORD watch between you and me, when we are out of one another's sight.(Genesis 31:49)"

Former agent Smith bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement, turned on his heal and left back to the black Lincoln sedan, which was now missing the front hubcap.

"The LORD giveth, and he taketh away, blessed be the name of the LORD.(Job 1:21 altered slightly)"

The large car disturbed the gravel as it turned back the way it came. Father Anderson was happy to turn back to his own paradise, his Eden on earth. Soon enough he would return to hell on earth in order to clean house.

 **Omake:**

" **ANDERSON!"** The insane cackle managed to pierce the rain and thunder, as a tall man in a red frock overcoat over a charcoal suite and red cravat appeared. His black hair was covered by a wide-brimmed red Fedora hat, and thick red glasses hid his equally red eyes. He had a large insane grin on his face, and large pistols in each hand. The right was his always trusted .454 Casull in polished light metal. The left, the matte black 13mm Jackal. Truly excellent weapons, too heavy for mortal hands, but perfect in his own.

The scene he entered made him confused for a moment. He was expecting the tall, imposing form of the blond priest, Judas himself, Father Alexander Anderson, with bayonets and a wide grin at the ready. What he found instead was rows upon rows of stupid-looking men with black sunglasses and black suits, watching a similar-looking man and another man with black sunglasses and a black overcoat. Both seemed confused, but the man in the overcoat more so than the other.

"That… Was my name, once," the man in the overcoat allows, "I go by the name Neo now."

"Are you about to fight," Alucard asks with a maniac grin on his face. It had been days since Brazil, and he wanted to stretch his legs, not to mention that his trigger fingers were extra twitchy. Lifting his guns, he pulled off a few rounds from each on the two men. The one in the overcoat, Neo-Anderson simply lifted his hand, making the bullets come to a halt in front of him.

"Armour piercing, 13mm hollow point bullets. Casing in blessed Macedonian silver, and an explosive tip made of pre-blessed mercury. There's no freak around who can eat these and come back for seconds." Alucard appeared sincerely happy that this fight wouldn't end so easily.

"Don't get in our way," the guy in the suit commands. As one, the hoard of similar-looking men drew their Desert Eagle .50 semi-automatics and as one opened fire on the intruder. The veritable wall of metal sped towards Alucard and started to tear chunks of flesh from his bones, ripping his hat off and smashing his glasses. Once they were done, only a pair of boots and a bloody pulp remained.

An insane cackle suddenly rose all around them, making many of the not-agent Smiths look around in apprehension. **"Oh, this will be good. Police girl… No, Seras Victoria, you are clear to fire. No survivors!"** In the far distance, a faint, but enthusiastic "Yes, Master!" was heard, before a 30mm depleted Uranium and Silver shell smashed through the bodies of several not-agents, piercing and killing all who stood in its path. A torso and a few limbs flew hither and yond, splashing blood and gore on the other not-agents and the close buildings.

From the bloody pulp, the blood started to rise up, until an unharmed Alucard again stood, eyes glinting in bloodlust. Holding his hands in a special sign, multiple eyes suddenly appeared on his darkened frame. **"Cromwell restriction, level 3, 2 and 1 Release!"** A mass of dark tendrils, all bearing several red eyes shot from his coat, piercing many of the non-agents as if put to the stake. All around, incendiary and depleted Uranium shells rained down and wreaked havoc.

" **Alexander Anderson, come face your destiny. Come face me, so I can drag your corpse before your God, only to throw you down to the depths of hell instead!"**

Neo suddenly waved his hands in desperation, unconsciously also stopping a depleted Uranium shell from exploding the main not-an-agent Smith's head off. "Wait, wait! Did you say Alexander? There has been a huge mistake here, since Alexander is my brother. My name is Thomas, just ask Smith here," Neo here waved in the vague direction of some of the still alive not-agent Smiths.

Alucard visibly deflated once hearing that. "This really kills all the fun out of it, you know. I'm of half a mind to kill you just so the trip here wasn't wasted. Attempting once more to shot Neo, only to see his bullets stopped made the old vampire give a deep sigh of frustration. "Seras, we are leaving. I really need to take my frustration about this out on someone, and I heard there was a group of strange Vampires further north-west up in D.C.(Hint: Twilight, even if Volterra is too close to Rome for the Volturi to being left standing by the Vatican and Iscariot) (The matrix is filmed in Sydney, but it's supposed to resemble a city in the U.S. at the end of 1990.)" A dejected "Yes, Master!" could be heard in the distance. Killing vampires was all well and good, but Seras never had this many enemies to unload her Harkonnen on, and she felt it was a huge waste to leave this many alive.

 **And end.**

Hope you had some fun reading this. I certainly had fun thinking up the idea and writing it down. I'm sure to regret it tomorrow, but such is the life of a freelance fanfic writer like myself. I write when inspiration takes me, and damn the consequences.(Ok, so perhaps that's a bit harsh, but I really need to pass these exams…)

I'm also thinking about taking up the "Wicked Fangs" challenge posted by rwbybomb21, since I think a Hellsing (Seras main character)/Highschool DXD crossover sounds cool.


End file.
